Tag Archive for: collaborative facilitator

Video: Cordover Keynotes Family Law Now Virtual Summit

Family Diplomacy managing attorney Adam B. Cordover recently gave the keynote address at the Third Annual Family Law Now Virtual Summit. The aim of the Summit is to provide legal professionals and those individuals facing separation, divorce, and other family law matters with vital information, strategies, and tools to support them as they navigate through the process.  The Summit was hosted by veteran Canadian lawyer Russell Alexander and benefitted The Denise House, which provides a safe shelter and supportive programs in Canada for women, with or without children, experiencing gender-based violence.

Examining Models of Collaborative Practice

The topic of the keynote address was “All the Ways to Collaborate: Examining Different Models of Collaborative Practice.”  In the keynote, Cordover urged lawyers to tailor the Collaborative Process to meet the needs of their family law clients.

You can view a video of the keynote, which is about 20 minutes long, below.

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Financial Education Books For Spouses Going Through Divorce

It is common when going through divorce in Florida or elsewhere for one or both spouses to be lost when it comes to finances and retirement planning.  One of the best things that you can do to make divorce less traumatic and to help ensure that you and your spouse’s interests are being met is to involve a Neutral Financial Professional within a Collaborative Divorce process.

It is also important to educate yourself when it comes to finances.  Below are a list of books that I have personally found helpful to educate myself.  Even if you are not going through divorce, you may get something from these resources.

The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey

If you have medical school student loans, a high interest mortgage or home equity lines of credit, or other forms of large debt, and you just don’t know how you could possibly pay it off in any reasonable amount of time, Dave Ramsey’s The Total Money Makeover is for you.  As someone who went to a very expensive law school and incurred six figures in educational debt, I found this book immensely helpful.  I am a big believer in the Financial Independence (sometimes also called Financial Independence Retire Early, or “FIRE”) movement; so many influencers who have put themselves on the path to FIRE have mentioned that they started off by getting out of debt after reading this book.

The Simple Path to Wealth by J.L. Collins

J.L. Collins’ The Simple Path to Wealth is the book I wish I read when I was just starting my career.  His main message is that investing does not need to be complex, the stock market will crash but it will also rebound and grow, and that you can build significant wealth over time by simply investing in a total U.S. stock market index fund and maybe also a total U.S. bond index fund (depending on your age and risk tolerance).  J.L. Collins is known as the Godfather of FIRE, and he tells audiences that you can actually find most of the ideas in the book for free in their raw form in his blog’s Stock Series.  I have found both the book and Stock Series helpful to explain the markets and prevent me from selling my portfolio when the market has crashed.  Further, the Stock Series, which Collins updates regularly, does a good job at explaining many of the types of investment vehicles that get addressed in divorce, such as brokerage accounts, traditional and Roth 401(k)s, traditional and Roth IRAs, 403(b)s, and TSPs.  Beyond educating yourself, The Simple Path to Wealth may be a great book to provide as a gift to your young adult children as the content started as a letter to J.L. Collins’ daughter, explaining to someone who didn’t want to think about investing how they could build wealth without giving it much thought.

I Will Teach You to Be Rich by Ramit Sethi

Admittedly, the title is kind of cringeworthy, but I found the content in Ramit Sethi’s I Will Teach You to Be Rich to be helpful nonetheless.  He provides very practical advice on everything from lowering interest rates you pay on credit cards, to opening high yield savings accounts, to automating saving and investing.  He also believes strongly that you don’t need to live like a hermit to build wealth, and that it is important to mindfully spend money on those things that bring you happiness.

Atomic Habits by James Clear

James Clear’s Atomic Habits explores the science of habit formation and how small, incremental changes can lead you to significant improvements over time.  Clear stresses that consistent, tiny improvements—what he calls “atomic habits”—can compound over time, leading to profound personal and professional transformations.  His concepts mesh pretty well with the books discussed above, especially when he addresses the power of compound interest to transform small, consistent investments over a long period of time to vast amounts of wealth.  Besides becoming financially healthier, this book helped me become physically healthier, as well, by influencing me to make small, consistent changes in my diet and exercise, leading to the shedding of 30+ pounds over the course of eighteen months.

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Cordover Joins Sarasota Collaborative Family Law Professionals

Family Diplomacy managing attorney Adam B. Cordover has joined the Sarasota Collaborative Family Law Professionals (“SCFLP”) practice group.

About the Sarasota Collaborative Family Law Professionals

SCFLP is similar to a local bar association (it is not a law firm), and it is a membership-based organization made up of independent lawyers, psychologist, therapists, accountants, and financial planners who believe that there are better alternatives to court-based divorce.  Specifically, the group educates professionals and the public about Collaborative Divorce and Family Law, and its members help families through the Collaborative Process.

As stated in the Sarasota group’s brochure, “All members of SCFLP have extensive experience in the area of family law. They are committed to the collaborative process and work together to reach a settlement on fair and equitable terms without the financial and emotional cost that often accompanies litigation. All members of SCFLP have extensive experience in the area of family law, and are licensed by their respective designated professional organization. Each completes the training required by the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP).”

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Divorcing Wealthy in Florida

What is the best way to end up wealthy after divorce?  It is by being even wealthier before divorce.  The truth is that divorce is not cheap.  But there are things that you can do to help preserve your wealth even if your marriage is ending.

Retain a Neutral Financial Professional

One of the biggest challenges when going through divorce is that one spouse typically knows more about the family finances than the other spouse.  If you are the spouse with the knowledge, this can be frustrating because you feel you are making reasonable proposals that would benefit your spouse, and yet your spouse is outright rejecting them or refuses to make a decision, costing your family even more time and money.  If you are the spouse without knowledge of the family finances, you feel like your spouse is trying to control you by badgering you to agree to their proposal, but how can you even make a decision that could have disastrous consequences for your long term financial future?

This is where a Neutral Financial Professional comes in.

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The Neutral Financial Professional in Collaborative Divorce: Saving Your Family Time and Money

Are you considering divorce? If so, you’re likely familiar with the emotional strain that comes with it. But amidst the whirlwind of emotions, it’s easy to overlook the importance of your family’s financial future when considering your divorce options. That’s where a Neutral Financial Professional steps in as an invaluable member of a Collaborative Divorce team. Let’s delve into what a Financial Professional does in this process and how they can help your family save money while preserving your financial well-being.

Collaborative Divorce

First and foremost, it’s essential to understand the Collaborative Divorce approach. Unlike traditional litigated divorces, where trial lawyers are retained and there is the constant threat or reality of a court battle, Collaborative Divorce emphasizes transparency, cooperation, and durable resolutions. The Collaborative Team typically comprises of specially-trained lawyers for each spouse, a team leader known as a Neutral Facilitator, and a Neutral Financial Professional. All professionals, once the process starts, can only help with out-of-court dispute resolution, and they are prohibited from being used to fight in court.  The Collaborative Approach fosters open communication, leading to more amicable resolutions and, compared to litigated court battles, significant cost savings.

Role of the Neutral Financial Professional

Now, let’s shine a light on the role of the Neutral Financial Professional on the Collaborative Divorce team. As a Collaborative Lawyer, I often emphasize the pivotal role they play in ensuring fair and sustainable financial outcomes for both spouses. Here’s how they do it:

1. Financial Clarity

Divorce involves complex financial matters, from asset division to spousal support and child support. A Neutral Financial Professional brings clarity to this complexity by helping each of you analyze your financial situation.   This is important, as it is common in divorce for one spouse to be less knowledgeable about the family’s finances than the other spouse.  This disparity in knowledge oftentimes causes one spouse to freeze in the face of making long-term decisions out of fear of making the wrong decision, causes long delays and increased fees for both spouses.

Accordingly, the Financial Professional helps explain your family’s assets, liabilities, income, and expenses to provide a clear picture of your financial standing. This clarity is crucial for making informed decisions during negotiations, preventing surprises down the road.

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Collaborative Jewish Divorce

In these uncertain times, if you are Jewish and considering divorce, you may wonder where you can safely turn.  I have watched in horror at the chants of “Jews will not replace us” in Charlottesville in 2017, the massacres of Israeli civilians on October 7th, and the more recent intimidation of Jewish students on campuses across the U.S.  I have personally experienced people telling antisemitic jokes to me, apparently not realizing that I was Jewish.   If, with this as a backdrop, you are facing the upheaval of divorce, let us help you and your family through a Collaborative Jewish Divorce.

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Defining “Collaborative Mediation”

If you do a Google search for “Collaborative Mediation,” you will get all sorts of results, many of which have nothing to do with one another.  Many articles simply point out the differences between Collaborative Divorce and Mediation (one of my blog posts would be included with this group).

Other articles will use the term to be a synonym with Collaborative Divorce, referring to neutral professionals (typically a financial professional and licensed mental health professional) as mediators, even if those professionals have not been trained as mediators.  This seems misleading to me.   Still, other articles use the term to mean a friendly mediation or an interdisciplinary co-mediation where lawyers are optional.  I have concerns about those articles because, despite using the term “collaborative,” what they describe is not a Collaborative Law Process as defined by the Florida Statutes or Uniform Collaborative Law Act/Rules.  Again, this is misleading.

I recently was at the 12th Annual Conference of the Florida Academy of Collaborative Professionals (“FACP”) where I presented on the topic of “Collaborative Mediation: Engaging Mediators in the Collaborative Process.”  My co-presenters were Heather McArthur, co-founder and president of Collaborative Professionals of Central Florida and Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Law Mediator, and Keith Grossman, a Florida Supreme Court Approved Primary Family Mediation Trainer and president of the Southwest Florida Collaborative Professionals Association.

As I have not found a good definition anywhere else, one of my goals in co-presenting on this topic (and writing this article) was to define the term “Collaborative Mediation.”  Additionally, I hoped to shed light on this distinct model of Collaborative Practice, find a way to better engage mediators in the Collaborative Process, and offer an option under certain circumstances that could bring more clients and lawyers into the Collaborative Method.

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Create Your Own Path with Collaborative Divorce

If you’re reading this, chances are you’re either going through a divorce or know someone who is. And let’s face it, divorce isn’t exactly a walk in the park. But what if I told you that in Florida there’s a way to navigate this challenging time while still preserving your self-determination and sanity? Enter: Collaborative Divorce.

Picture this: instead of duking it out in a courtroom with lawyers battling it out, Collaborative Divorce brings everyone to the table – you, your soon-to-be ex, and a team of professionals (including separate attorneys to provide each of you with independent legal advice) dedicated to finding solutions that work for everyone involved. Sounds pretty good, right? Here’s why it’s worth considering:

Collaborative Divorce Puts You in the Driver’s Seat

One of the biggest perks of Collaborative Divorce is that it empowers you to take control of your own future. Instead of leaving decisions about your life in the hands of a judge, you and your soon-to-be ex get to work together to find solutions that meet both of your needs. From dividing assets to co-parenting agreements, you have a say in it all.

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Maintaining Privacy In Your Divorce

Just because you are going through divorce does not mean you have to give up your privacy.  Yes, in traditional divorce, proceedings are open to the public.  Sure, most Florida divorce lawyers will tell you that you have to file your divorce in the county where you last resided with your spouse, making it easier for family, neighbors, and business competitors to snoop on you.  And, historically, you have been required to file financial affidavits in a court file that anyone can access.

Fortunately, there are alternatives to all of these issues to help maintain your privacy.

Collaborative Divorce – Private Negotiations

Collaborative Divorce is a private form of dispute resolution where discussions take place in discreet conference rooms or via Zoom rather than in a public courtroom.

In the Collaborative Process, you and your spouse each have your own, separate lawyers to provide each of you with independent legal advice.  Your lawyers are prohibited from fighting in court; if court action is needed, your Collaborative Lawyers are fired.  This aligns the incentives of both lawyers and both spouses to focus on reaching an agreement rather than stir up trouble and engage in costly trial work.  And the vast majority of Collaborative Divorce matters are able to reach a full resolution; about 92% of Collaborative matters we have been involved in have been successful.

Oftentimes, you and your spouse will have additional support in your Collaborative Divorce.  A neutral Collaborative Facilitator, who specializes in communication, family dynamics, and childhood development, will help you navigate and overcome the emotional impediments to divorce.  Additionally, if you have children, the Facilitator will help craft a parenting plan tailored to your kids’ needs rather than have a cookie-cutter parenting plan based on a bunch of legal factors.

Further, you may have a Financial Neutral on your Collaborative Divorce team.  We have found that many divorce discussions get stuck because one spouse just does not understand the family finances or fears they are being taking advantage of.  The Financial Neutral, who is typically a CPA or financial advisor, works with both spouses to efficiently gather needed financial information and help even the playing field so both of you can feel that you are making informed decisions.  This helps play a big role in getting through the “fight, flight, or freeze” instincts that can overtake a person going through divorce.

Choosing Where To File Your Divorce for Privacy

Most Florida divorce lawyers will tell you that you need to file your divorce in the county where you and your spouse last resided together.  And that is because most Florida divorce lawyers focus their practice on contested trial work; if you file a contested matter in the wrong venue, and your spouse objects, then you have to go through a costly legal fight and you may then need to pay to have your matter transferred to the “correct” county.

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The 4 Phases of Collaborative Divorce

Embarking on a journey toward resolution of your divorce can be a daunting task, especially when faced with challenging family matters. Collaborative Divorce offers a unique approach that emphasizes cooperation and mutual understanding. In this blog post, we’ll delve into the four essential phases of Collaborative Divorce, also known as the 4 D’s of Resolution, to guide you through the Collaborative Process.

1. Decide to Enter the Collaborative Process

A. Understand what is required of you: The first step in any Collaborative Matter is to grasp the expectations. Familiarize yourself with the Collaborative Process, its principles, and the commitment it demands.  It is also important to understand that your attorneys and other professional team members are only there for the purpose of reaching an out-of-court agreement, and all of the professionals are disqualified from ever engaging in contested court battles.

B. Review and sign the Participation Agreement: Formalize your commitment by reviewing and signing the Collaborative Participation Agreement. This document outlines the rules and guidelines, ensuring that you and your spouse are both on the same page.  This is also the document that, once signed, formally commences the Collaborative Process.

C. Commit to the Process: Collaborative Practice works best when both spouses are committed to reaching a resolution. Make a conscious decision to fully engage in the process, recognizing that cooperation and open communication are key elements in reaching a resolution.

2. Disclose all Relevant Information

A. Decide what information is needed: Transparency is a cornerstone of Collaborative Practice. Your professional team will help you determine the financial and other disclosure that you and your spouse will need to make informed decisions later on.

B. Assign information gatherer(s): Delegating responsibilities is an integral part of Collaboration. Assign individuals to gather the necessary information, fostering a sense of shared responsibility.  Some of the information may be gathered by a Neutral Financial Professional, and other information will be gathered by the spouse that has the best access to that information.

C. Review shared information: Once gathered, you will thoroughly review the shared information. This step sets the stage for open discussions and helps in understanding the full scope of the situation.  As oftentimes one spouse knows a lot more about the family finances than the other spouse, this step helps put the spouses closer to equal footing so they are working off the same information.

D. Work through differences: Differences are inevitable, but Collaborative Divorce is about overcoming them. You will work through any disparities in the shared information.  Your professional team can help identify what additional information is needed, including what types of appraisals or valuations may be helpful to help bridge any differences in understanding.

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