Tag Archive for: collaborative divorce

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Why Don’t You Have More Collaborative Family Law Cases? Advanced Training Opportunity

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We know that most divorcing spouses are better off using the collaborative process.  Still, you may not have as many collaborative cases as you want.  What challenges have you encountered when trying to enroll a collaborative family law case?

Does your heart pound when explaining the disqualification clause?  Are you worried about how to discuss costs?  Can you get your client to yes, but struggle to bring the other spouse on board?

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The South Palm Beach Collaborative Practice Group invites attorneys, mental health professionals, and financial professionals to an Advanced Collaborative Training on It All Starts In The Initial Client Meeting – Enrolling the Collaborative Case.  The training will be taught by Adam B. Cordover, Esq., Jeremy S. Gaies, Psy.D., Barbara E. Kelly, Ph.D., and J. David Harper, CPA of the Tampa Bay Collaborative Trainers.  It takes place March 16, 2018, at the Boca Grove Golf & Tennis Club, 21351 Whitaker Dr., Boca Raton, Florida 33433.

Click Here for Registration Form

In this full day intensive advanced collaborative family law training, you will learn the keys to having a successful initial client meeting, including the following:

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Who Gets The Kids On Holidays?

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The holidays are such a magical time of year, especially if you have children. But if you are going through a divorce, your family will need to establish new traditions. Holidays must now be split between two family units. Until the judge orders a holiday schedule or you and your ex reach an agreement about it, each party is usually equally entitled to a holiday. This can create a lot of stress during an already stressful, busy time of year.    So how do you determine how holidays should be split?

Mediation and Collaboration

If you choose a courtless divorce option like mediation or collaboration, professionals will assist you and your spouse in creating a holiday schedule that works best for both of you. It may be more important for your side of the family to celebrate certain holidays than it is for your spouse. Likewise, there are probably some holidays you don’t care about that are important to your ex. One or both of you may want to have the opportunity to travel during certain holidays. All of these matters can be addressed more thoroughly if you participate in a form of alternative dispute resolution than if you let the judge decide for you.

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Discernment Counseling

Discernment Counseling: What If Only One Spouse Wants to Divorce?

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Are you leaning towards divorce but your spouse is not?  Have you tried couple’s counseling but found that the pressure was all on you to change?  Do you want a time-limited, non-adversarial way to help you and your spouse determine whether it is time to divorce?  If so, you should look into discernment counseling.

Discernment counseling is a way for “mixed agenda” couples to determine what is next.  Mixed agenda refers to the frequent scenario where one spouse is leaning out of the marriage and the other is leaning in.  The couple comes together with a counselor to talk and determine whether they want to repair their marriage or divorce.

Hear from the Founder of Discernment Counseling

Dr. Bill Doherty, the founder of discernment counseling, discusses the method in the video below:

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Mosten: Is Your Divorce Lawyer Informing You?

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If you are considering divorce, you likely think that whether you can have an amicable or collaborative divorce depends wholly on your spouse.  Certainly, the attitude and ability of your spouse to compromise has an effect, but in my experience the attorneys that you and your spouse choose has a much bigger impact.

Beginning A Litigation Divorce

If you and your spouse choose attorneys whose primary orientation is litigation, then there is a good chance that you will face a court battle.  Your litigation attorney will likely draft a petition for dissolution of marriage asking for everything, and then have a process server or sheriff’s officer serve your spouse.  These tactics are all intended to intimidate your spouse and get them to submit.

It should be no surprise that this usually elicits the opposite of the intended response.  Not willing to submit, your spouse hires a “bulldog lawyer,” and the battle is on.  Say goodbye to your children’s college saving.  Know that this money will now be going to your lawyers’ children’s college tuition.

Fortunately, there is a different way.

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Video: Tiger Woods, Privacy, and Collaborative Divorce

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In 2012, as news of Tiger Woods’ extramarital affairs and his wife’s reaction repeated on TV broadcasts and magazines throughout the world, some professionals stood up and said it does not need to be this way.  You can maintain your privacy and dignity in your family law matter.  You can utilize the collaborative divorce process.

In the video below, Psychologist Ellie Izzo, author of The Bridge to I am: Rapid Advance Psychotherapy and co-author with Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Vicki Carpel Miller of Second Hand Shock: Surviving and Overcoming Vicarious Trauma, discusses collaborative divorce in the wake of the Tiger Woods divorce:

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Collaborative Divorce Is Not Right For You If…

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Collaborative divorce is not for everyone.  Sure, most families going through divorce would benefit from the private, secure, and non-adversarial nature of the collaborative process.  However, it may not be right for you if certain things are important to you.

Collaborative divorce is not right for you if…

You are seeking revenge

If you are seeking revenge, collaborative divorce is not right for you.  The collaborative process will not satisfy your need to see your spouse suffer.  This is because, at the beginning of the case, everyone signs a collaborative participation agreement in which the spouses agree to engage in good faith discussions to reach a resolution.  Each spouse has his or her own attorney, and the attorneys are there solely to help the clients reach an agreement.  The attorneys cannot be used for opposition research, lengthy motion practice, or accusatory litigation.

Picture For Representational PurposeHowever, the attorneys are also there to safeguard the process.  If an attorney believes that his or her client is no longer acting in good faith, or is only attempting to damage the other spouse, the attorney may have the right to terminate the process.  This shuts down behavior meant to harass the other spouse.  If the attorney believes his or her client can put the need for revenge aside, the collaborative process may continue.  If not, the collaborative attorney has a duty to ensure that the process is not being used as a tool for vengeance.

Further, the collaborative process generally involves a neutral facilitator, with a background in communication, childhood development, and family and power dynamics.  The facilitator helps keep conversations productive and forward-focused rather than centered on past grievances.  The facilitator is also there to address power imbalances and shortcut vengeful actions and communications.

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Direnfeld: Settling Parenting Disputes Outside Court

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Do you ever wonder how your divorce is affecting your children?  Do you sometimes think about how conflict may be affecting your own mental health, and your ability to effectively parent, or co-parent?

Gary Direnfeld is an internationally known social worker, speaker, and parenting expert based out of Ontario.  He has been an expert witness in many high conflict divorce trials, and yet he is a strong believer that the courtroom is a terrible forum for resolving divorce and parenting disputes.  In the following radio interview, Gary discusses why he believes parenting and divorce-related issues should be resolved outside of court:

You can find a partial transcript, slightly edited for clarity, below:

Roughly 80% of folks going through a separation or divorce are going to settle things between themselves.  They may have some 3rd party assistance.  Twenty percent are going to turn to the courts.  Less than 5%, even if turning to the courts, are going to go to trial.  Most matter settle ahead of a trial.  And then there is that small percentage, that 1, 2, or 3% that really tie up the courts’ time.  And I, for whatever reason, find myself heavily involved with those folks.

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High conflict parents turn to the court searching for release only to find that in many, many cases, litigation only exacerbates the problems.  It doesn’t resolve them.  And the reason for that is, in turning to the courts, it is often a race to the bottom.  I will prove my case by making you look worse than me, and no one wants to be on the receiving end of that.  So the other parent reciprocates in kind.  And then the “he said she said” escalates to such a pitch that it is hard to know one from the other.  

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How Often Do Collaborative Divorces Terminate?

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Good, you have decided that if you are going to divorce, you are going to do it collaboratively.  This means that you and your spouse will each have your own attorneys, but the attorneys are not there to fight.  You hire the attorneys to help reach an out-of-court agreement so you can move on with your lives.

But you may also know that either spouse at any time can decide they no longer want to participate in the collaborative divorce, causing it to terminate.  All professionals are automatically fired.  The spouses then proceed as “opposing parties” in the traditional divorce court route.

The possibility of losing your attorney is a scary notion.  So, you may be wondering to yourself, how often do collaborative divorces terminate?

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Video: Ron Ousky on Hiring A Family-Focused Divorce Lawyer

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When determining which attorney to hire for your divorce, you may be tempted to believe that your best option is to hire an overly-aggressive lawyer.  But is that truly going to benefit you and your family?  Do you want to make your spouse “the enemy” and make your children collateral damage?  Well, there is another option.  Instead, you can hire a family-focused divorce lawyer.

In the video below, Minnesota collaborative attorney Ron Ousky, former president of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals, discusses, among other things, why you should consider hiring a family-focused divorce lawyer.

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Pensacola Introductory & Advanced Collaborative Training November 2-4

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Did you know that there was a major change to Chapter 61 of the Florida Statutes regarding Collaborative Family Law?  Are you confident that you can competently abide by Florida’s new Collaborative Law Rule of Professional Conduct and Rule of Procedure?  Or do you just want to learn how to help people divorce in a less stressful, more respectful, and child-centered manner?

Attorneys, mental health professionals, financial professionals, mediators, and others are welcomed to Pensacola for an Introductory and Advanced training on Interdisciplinary Collaborative Family Law!

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER NOW!

What/When:  

  • Introductory Interdisciplinary Collaborative Training – November 2-3, 2017
  • Enrolling the Collaborative Case Advanced Training – November 4, 2017

Where:  Pensacola, Florida

Cost:

  • $500 for 2-Day Introductory Training
  • $200 for Advanced Training (Enrolling the Collaborative Case)
  • Discounted rate of $650 for all 3 days

Host:  West Florida Collaborative Law, Inc.

Trainers:  Tampa Bay Collaborative Trainers

Learn more: Contact John Susko, Esq. at john@susko-collab-med.com OR Joshua Jones, Esq., at jjones@westfloridacollaborativelaw.com

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER NOW!

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