If you are facing the prospect of divorce, there is a little discussed truth that you should know: The lawyer each of you choose will have a dramatic effect on whether your divorce becomes (i) a traumatic, drawn-out battle for the next several years or (ii) a thoughtful plan developed over several months that sets you and your family up for the next chapter of your lives.

Quick Answer: Yes, Your Choice of Lawyer Has a Major Impact on Your Divorce Experience

Different lawyers follow different philosophies. Traditional divorce lawyers often follow a system built for conflict (even if the lawyer genuinely is trying to help settle disputes), while Collaborative Divorce Attorneys focus on privacy, transparency, respect, and the family’s wellbeing.

Why Traditional Lawyers Often Turn Divorce Into a Battle

It is important to understand this from the start: traditional divorce lawyers are not trying to create trauma. They are not acting out of malice. They are doing exactly what they were trained to do. For generations, lawyers have been taught that the first step in a divorce is to draft a petition that asks for every possible form of relief. The logic is simple. In law school and in practice, attorneys learn that if they do not ask for something in the petition, a judge may refuse to award it later at trial.

But here is the problem: Very few families ever actually go to trial. More than 80 to 90 percent or more of Florida divorces end through settlement. And even if a case does go to trial, Florida law makes it clear that petitions can almost always be amended ahead of time. So the fearful approach of “ask for everything now or risk losing it forever” does far more harm than good.

The result is a petition that looks extreme and feels personal. You may see allegations you disagree with, requests for every type of alimony, demands for more than half the marital estate, and even demands that you pay all attorney’s fees. None of this sets a healthy tone.

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