In my Tampa office, parents come to me all of the time and say they want “sole custody.” Maybe they are having an argument with the other parent. Maybe they just don’t get along. So parents figure that the solution is to be the only one to have decision making authority over their child.
In the video below, social worker Gary Direnfeld challenges the assumptions behind requests for sole custody.
Divorce court here in Florida is a terrible way to resolve disputes. Divorce litigation is an adversarial proceeding where husband is pitted against wife, mother is pitted against father.
And it is the children who end up suffering the most.
But don’t take my word for it. Tampa psychologist Stephanie Moulton Sarkis writes about the consequences of high conflict divorce on children:
Collaborative family law is a process that can be tailored to your family’s specific needs. In all collaborative cases, issues related to divorce are discussed peacefully and respectfully in private conference rooms rather than confrontationally in public courtrooms. Each spouse has their own attorney – who focuses exclusively on helping his or her client reach an out-of-court agreement – on whom the spouse can rely to provide advice and guide them throughout.
Oftentimes, experts are brought into the collaborative process so that the clients can reach a comprehensive agreement that deals not only with legal issues, but also emotional and financial resolutions. Experts end up making the process much more efficient by being able to handle issues far more quickly than attorneys are able to.
One option that families may want to consider is whether to bring in a child specialist. The short video after the jump, produced by Cypress Collaborative Divorce, discusses the role of the child specialist.
Over the past few years, there has been a movement to overhaul the alimony and child custody laws of Florida and other states. This is because husbands and fathers have felt like they are under siege in the family law court system. They have a glimmer of hope that, if only the laws were changed, then maybe they could get the respect and dignity that they deserve when entering a courtroom.
So this bring up a fundamental question: Are Florida’s family law courts anti-father?
If you are divorcing in Tampa Bay and you have children, Florida law requires that a parenting plan be created. The parenting plan outlines parental responsibility (decision-making authority) along with a time-sharing (custody) schedule.
The time-sharing schedule should not only address where the children stay during the school year and in summer months, but also how holidays, such as Christmas, are to be handled.
Below are some sample Christmas time-sharing schedules:
In each Florida family law case (such as divorce or paternity) that involves the custody of a child, Florida law requires that a parenting plan be established. One of the most important elements of a parenting plan is the child custody schedule, now known as a “time-sharing” schedule.
Family Law Tip: You should never let a judge decide your child’s time-sharing schedule. A judge does not know your family dynamics and bases such decisions on very limited information, and usually the judge is seeing parents, especially divorcing parents, at the worst time in their lives. Instead, you and your co-parent should use a private form of dispute resolution, such as collaborative family law.
As I tell clients who come to my Tampa office, there are many different types of time-sharing schedules. Below are some samples provided by the 12th Judicial Circuit (which includes Sarasota and Manatee Counties). The parent who is listed in a box is the one whom the child will be staying with overnight:
Any Florida parent who is going through a divorce with children or otherwise dealing with child custody issues will need to have a parenting plan. A parenting plan is document that is either agreed upon by the parents or created by a judge that sets out each parents’ rights and responsibilities. The Sixth Judicial Circuit (Pinellas and Pasco Counties) further describes a parenting plan as follows:
It is the public policy of this state to assure that each minor child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents after the parents separate or the marriage of the parties is dissolved and to encourage parents to share the rights and responsibilities, and joys, of childrearing. Florida Statutes, section 61.13(2)(c).
A parenting plan is a document developed and agreed to by the parents of a minor child, and approved by the court, or if the parents cannot agree, established by the court, which governs the relationship between the parents regarding the child (encompassing “custody”, “parental responsibility”, and “visitation”). A parenting plan may address issues such as the child’s education, health care, and physical, social, and emotional well-being, and must include a time-sharing schedule. The parenting plan must take into account the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act, the International Child Abduction Remedies Act, the Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act, and the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction when addressing jurisdictional issues.
For purposes of establishing or modifying parental responsibility and creating, developing, approving, or modifying a parenting plan, including a time-sharing schedule, which governs each parent’s relationship with his or her minor child and the relationship between each parent with regard to his or her minor child, the best interest of the child shall be the primary consideration.
Any parenting plan approved by a court must address the following issues:
Many people believe that, in Florida divorces, there is a legal presumption that mothers should get majority time-sharing (formerly known as primary custody) with the parties’ children. This is simply not the case, as judges fashion Florida time-sharing schedules based solely on the best interests of the children, regardless of the gender of the parents.
Florida Statutes Section 61.13(2)(c)1 states specifically that “[t]here is no presumption for or against the father or mother of the child or for or against any specific time-sharing schedule when creating or modifying the parenting plan of the child.”
So what factors do judges look at to determine children’s best interests when shaping time-sharing schedules?
The fact is that divorce is difficult. Emotions are raw, family life is uprooted, and life becomes strained.
And children are caught in the middle.
Attorneys in Tampa Bay litigated cases are often obligated to not only focus on showing their clients in the most positive light but also shining the spotlight on the opposing parties’ parental flaws. This further frays relationships with consequences to the children.
But there is an alternative. Collaborative divorce is a process where the clients agree not to air their dirty laundry in the court system but instead to negotiate respectfully in private offices of attorneys and other professionals. A neutral facilitator, who usually is a licensed mental health professional, is utilized to ensure that the clients focus on the future and on what is most important: the children.
I recently found a Chicago Tribune article which discusses collaborative divorce and it’s focus on children:
If you’ve gone through a divorce, you know how challenging it can be to keep your emotions in check. Add children to the mix and the damage can be devastating. But experts say more divorcing couples are seeing the benefits of putting down the boxing gloves and placing their children’s needs first.
When a person files for divorce (or other family law action involving children) in Tampa, he or she will be provided with a temporary standing order which outlines how he or she should treat children during the matter. The temporary standing order provides the following guidance:
The safety, financial security, and well being of the children involved in this case are the judge’s primary concern. It is the law that, except in certain rare circumstances, both parents will share parental responsibility for all minor children involved in this case. The law requires parents to share the children’s time and to participate together in making all important decisions concerning the children. The law expects parents to put aside their feelings and cooperate on all decisions involving the children. The following guidelines apply:
A. Children have a right to a loving, open and continuing relationship with both parents. They have the right to express love, affection and respect for one parent in the presence of the other parent.
